The Palliative Times Lonely Hearts page.
Dear Readers, we are delighted to present our latest expansion to your favourite publication The Palliative Times. Our new lonely hearts page is a great place to meet new people, mend broken hearts and of course to advertise your skills so that others may benefit from your unique offerings.
Lonely Hearts:
Single Professor seeks friendly ethics board.
Prof, 60, enjoys moral conundrums and sound of own voice, seeking friendly panel to hear out ethically questionable study design.
Immobile Great Grandmother seeks mobile partner.
Great Gran, 94, seeking partner in good health to help with hobbies including golf, pigeon shooting and cribbage. All types considered. Must have own teeth.
Lonely Nurse seeks night owl.
Nurse 25-55, seeks person willing to do house work and look after two dogs ideally night owl as shift work has removed biological clock.
Palliative Doc looking for answers.
Palliative medicine Doc, (F, 45), not sure of anything anymore, enjoys tea and judging others, looking for similar partner. Must be able to answer existential questions.
Unique skills offered:
In this section our readers have asked us to help advertise some of their unique services…
Alternative Resuscitation Guru seeks followers.
Expert at Shui-PR or hands off CPR. Can teach manipulation of all energies, dark forces, Gout and both typical and atypical blindness. Seeking followers to help with transport and making tea.
Must have own van.
Mortality specialist (we don’t know what this means either-Ed.).
Mortality Specialist available for hire, small groups only. Must provide own squash. One visit only per client.
Funerary details.
Urns are-us! Bored of the typical offerings in which to display the burned remains of your loved ones? We offer bespoke display cases including a unique body part preservation crystal case backed by a picture of your choice or stylish design from one of our in-house team. Serious enquiries only. Surprisingly affordable!
Other articles by the same author: